Of Relief and Sweaters
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: If there is one constant in Commander Serafina Shepard's life, it is that she is always cold. Back in the SR1 days, she had often resorted to use of an old, familiar sweater. A gift that had come to have so much more meaning in the years that followed its giving. Back aboard the SR2, the Commander finds herself in a dilemma until a mysterious box is found...


_**This is what happens when a small piece of headcanon for my canon Shepard suddenly points out that "oops! we went down with the SR1!" After some thought, this is the remedy I came up with.**_

* * *

"Have you heard anything from her?"

Kaidan did his best not to roll his eyes at his mother. If anything else he'd learned over his lifetime, doing so and being caught would result in a smack upside the back of his head. Careful of his implant, of course - his mother was a cautious soul, after all, and would not intentionally cause physical pain. The emotional pain of a guilt trip, however, was another story.

"No, mom, nothing yet," he replied and simply remained standing at the kitchen counter, all attention focused on completion of the sandwich he had been making as if the safety of the entire galaxy depended upon it.

Or maybe it was just his own personal safety.

"Will we get a chance to see her, Kaidan? Talk to her?"

This time, he couldn't hold back a sigh. Turning, sandwich now complete, he lifted it to his lips and took a bite. "She is 'relieved of duty,' mom," he finally told her. "Under house arrest. Hell, I'm not even sure exactly _where_ they're holding her right now." That wasn't entirely true - he had a vague idea, based off something Anderson had said some weeks ago, but Kaidan hadn't bothered to follow up on in. To this day, he still wasn't certain why.

The last time he'd seen her - well, things hadn't gone quite as well as they could have. Shepard had all but ended their previous relationship, not only announcing that she had found someone else, but telling him in the next breath that she would be making a trip through the Omega-4 relay. She'd promised to come back - and she had. She'd also promised that they would talk upon her return. To 'work things out.' The only problem with that - his own doubts about the feasibility of such a thing notwithstanding - was her captivity … and his reluctance to look into ways around it.

"Kaidan!"

Startled, Kaidan blinked back some confusion, glancing over to find Katryn staring at him with a firm look. Apparently, he'd been so lost in his thoughts that he'd missed another question. "Look … mom, if you want to try to get in touch with her, talk to Admiral Anderson. Right now, he's the only one who has access to her."

The inevitable smack came, on his arm though so it wasn't that bad, plus she pulled her punch … sort of (one of these days he was going to have to find out exactly how it was she managed to get just the right amount of pressure to make it _noticeable_ and yet not _damaging_. For the moment, however, he chalked it up to 'mom magic'). "Ow!"

"Oh stop it!" she chided with a slight pursing of her lips. "Don't be such a child."

Kaidan actually chuckled this time. "Mom, I'm thirty-four. Hardly a child," he felt obliged to point out.

Dark amber eyes met his with a smug grin. "Just you wait until you have children of your own, Kaidan Matthew!"

He _did_ roll his eyes this time, and fulfilled the role of dutiful child by raising his arm to ward off yet another 'attack,' this time from the kitchen towel she swatted in his direction. But in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder at her words. If Shepard had been right - and he knew he had no reason to doubt that she was. Had he not been there when she talked with Vigil on Ilos? Had he not seen Sovereign for himself? - there might not be a future left for him to have children unless the Alliance, the Council and others started getting on the ball.

But for right now, here in this kitchen, his mother with her arms folded across her chest and a look of a well-trained warrior crossing her features (even if only armed with a towel), he replied, "All right. All right. I'll see what I can find out. Will that do?"

She gave him a firm nod of agreement before turning to move across to the table. It was then that he noticed the box. Simple. Unwrapped. About four inches thick. Frowning, he asked, "What is that?"

"It's for Serafina," Katryn replied simply.

Frowning, he followed her over and reached out to open the lid …. His breath caught when he realized what was inside. "Mom …." It was the same shade of blue as before. The same shade as her eyes. Kaidan felt his chest tighten at the thought.

Katryn glanced up at her son. "Do you think -"

Reaching out, he pulled his mother close, hugging her for a long moment. Once certain his voice would not crack, he told her honestly, "I think she will love it. Just like the other one."

"Good." Katryn handed him the box. "Ever since you told us she was still alive, I have been thinking about this. Please see that she gets it. Okay?"

"I'll do what I can, Mom." Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to her temple. "How much longer are you and dad in the city?"

"We'll leave in the morning," she explained. "The orchard can't run itself, right?"

Kaidan nodded. "Right. I'll come by for dinner tonight then. In the meantime, I'll track down Anderson and see if he can't get this to her."

~ 0 ~

Distraught.

Perhaps she was doing herself a bit of a disservice considering what was being asked of her, but Shepard knew the word to be an accurate description of just how she was feeling in that moment.

Earth attacked.

Kaidan so severely injured she had no idea if he would even survive.

The closest thing to a family she'd had since Mindoir surrounded by a danger so great and she was helpless to offer her assistance.

A Council that refused to offer concrete aid to save Earth. (_Oh yeah, let's talk about 'myths' now, shall we Councilor?_ the more sarcastic part of her personality demanded silently)

She had a skeleton crew and a war against giants to fight.

_And our 'David' is back on Earth, leaving me to fight Goliath._ Shepard sighed. Distraught might be a bit of an understatement, come to think of it.

Shepard wandered into the cabin too exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally - to do anything but drop onto the bed and sleep for a year. Funny how just hours before she had been focused on finding a way - _any_ way - out of her confinement, searching for something 'normal' to keep her occupied.

"Well, if you consider the Reapers 'normal' …," she muttered.

"Could you repeat that, Commander?"

Chuckling, Shepard replied, "Not necessary, EDI. Just talking to myself."

"I see."

Shepard had just stepped off the last step when she noticed the box lying on the bed. Frowning, she reached out for it. It was unadorned, so not a gift, at least in the traditional sense. During their flight to Mars and the subsequent activities on a ship very much short handed at the moment, this was the first time Shepard had been able to come up to her old room.

And then she remembered … the cabin had been designated for Anderson, not her. "EDI?"

"Yes, Commander."

"Did someone leave this box up here while I was on the Citadel?"

"No, Commander. Admiral Anderson brought that in with him and left it the night before our departure from Earth. My understanding was that the placement of it upon the bed was intentional."

Her frown deepened. _As if he'd known … . _"Okay … thanks."

As EDI logged out, Shepard began opening the box. The minute her hand came into contact with the softness inside, she felt her chest tighten. She knew. She _KNEW_ what it would be even before she pulled it from the package. As the cardboard to drop to the floor, forgotten, the memories returned in waves.

Sixteen years old and freezing no matter what she did.

A mother grieving the unfairness of reality for her her son and hoping to find some sense of peace and connection with another.

The instant of realization between herself and Kaidan when she had worn the original sweater; the connection between them cementing itself permanently.

Curling up on the bed, Shepard hugged the new sweater close and buried her face in the soft, woven fabric. It was ridiculous to find peace in such a thing, she supposed, but for that one brief moment in time, she could almost believe that everything - including the need to save the galaxy from the Reapers - would work out for the best.


End file.
